How Goes Your Flow?

Life can make us feel constipated. And sometimes, things can feel like their flowing out of control. I’ve had days (particularly as I’ve gotten older) where I feel dried up – then times when suddenly it seems the dry season is over and inspiration rains upon me. This leaves me feeling juicy and sensual and vibrant.

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As a writer I experience these different flows in terms of writer’s block or, at the other end of the spectrum, as if I am moving in an endless dance with my muse. And it’s not just about the way I feel. Sometimes the muse refuses to dance, or the book I’m writing insists on being left alone. I’ve been through it enough times that I’ve begun to trust in the different ways of flowing.

For example, I remember when I was writing my first novel I’d look up from my computer and notice dishes piled in the sink and a room that looked like a midden heap with things piled and strewn around. I’d wonder who made this mess? Then I’d realize that I’d been writing for several days solid. It felt great! I’d scroll through my story and be amazed at how much I’d written. I’d been transported to a different realm where only the muse, the story and I were players. I must have eaten and moved about my home, but I wasn’t really aware of any of that.

In these moments, the biggest part of me wanted to get back to that place of inspired writing and keep going.  I’d push myself to get back to that place of productivity, that sweet nirvana. But like as not, the muse would refuse to show up or the story would insist on being left to simmer. After a few times of making myself write, I learned that it was a waste of time. The writing was never good and I almost always ended up deleting it entirely.

I soon discovered that the sweet nirvana was not a passing thing. I was able to find it rather consistently – even if it wasn’t always on my time table. So I stopped grabbing for it. When I did find it and then came back to the “real” world, I’d eat, shower, nap and then clean the house. It felt pretty good to clear away the debris of my writing stint and to move my body. I began to treasure the relief of letting go of the muse and the story; the next dance would come soon enough and I’d move again to the rhythm of the work.

Lately, I’ve been challenged in my everyday life around flow. My body insisted that I slow down and listen more closely to it. In fact, I couldn’t really settle into anything. I felt discontent in my work, my social life and my spirituality. Nothing seemed to fit anymore. I’d feel inspiration around a new idea and the next day, it would slip away.  I couldn’t follow through with any of the ideas that seemed brilliant just a few hours ago.

Oh, I fought it! I made myself create classes or write essays that never got any traction. Instead of making me feel better, I felt not only discontent, but also felt like a failure. None of the seeds I planted sprouted. Quite honestly, I wondered if I’d just lost it. “It” being my creativity and inspiration.

Somewhere in December, I gave up. I ran out of oomph. I slept, I rested, I hid in my room. I watched TV. Then I got bored.

I have little tolerance for boredom. The world is a marvelous, mysterious, magical place; there’s no excuse for being bored. On the rare occasions in my my life when I’ve gotten to boredom, I quickly went deep so I could really listen to what was going on and/or I changed my environment.

It was time to listen in a new way. What did I hear? You need rest, lots of it; surrender to it. It’s time to change both your inner landscape and your outer landscape. Listen to your body, it will lead the way.

I kept listening. I stopped pressuring myself to be productive. I stopped blaming/shaming myself for this spot I was in. I watched for what was showing up, but I no longer grabbed at things as if they were a life line. I swayed with what showed up to see how it felt and if it’s call would last. If I could move in tune with it for a while, I’d jump in. I felt rather like a young girl playing jump rope in the school yard. If I tensed up and put pressure on myself, I almost always tripped up as I stepped into the swinging rope. If I gave myself a moment to get in tune with the rhythm of the rope’s swing, I’d move into it with grace and could jump for a long time without getting tangled up.

Now here I am in late March, looking back at the last six months or so and seeing it with new eyes. So much change within and around me was happening. At the time, I saw myself as dried up with an inability to start anew. Now, I see that I was flooded with possibility; so much potential was flowing that I couldn’t get any traction. I was a flood plain inundated with new needs and new ways. Instead of waiting for the waters to recede, I kept trying to plant seeds and getting frustrated that nothing took root.

The waters did recede. I’m seeing the incredibly fertile and fecund ground now being revealed. I could plant lots of seeds that would take root and flourish. I could feed millions.

Yet, what truly calls me is the river bed. I find that I have become the water rather than the farmer wanting to plant seeds. What calls me is somewhere down stream. I feel a delicious bubbling anticipation as I find the channel that will take me there.

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Photo by Waqas Akhtar on Unsplash

I treasure the time I spent slowly flowing over the flood plain; I moved through a lot of things and left a lot behind. In listening deeply, I heard the song of the river and am now able to jump into it’s deeper channel and dance my way around the river’s bend to …

I know I’m not the only one who has been challenged to flow differently in my life. I welcome your comments, your stories and any questions. How is your landscape changing?

Blessings to you and whatever you follow or plant.  ~ Coleen

Coleen Rhalena Renee is a storyteller, way shower and gifted spiritual healer. She helpstalking to the elements clients find their true heart story and teaches them to live well within it. Tap into your dreams and make them realities.

Find out more about Coleen’s work.  Ask for a free 15 minute consult.

 

#IPromiseMe – Can We Really Change Our Story? Part 2

Hi,

I recently did a presentation around the power of story and had it video taped. This is the second clip and I even sing an original song for the group.

Emotion along with the “aha” moments are wonderful transformers. I’m truly grateful for this one in my life. Don’t waste your aha’s. Invest in yourself and create a story you really like living.

~ Coleen

Coleen Rhalena Renee is a storyteller, way shower and gifted spiritual healer. She helps clients find their true heart story and teaches them to live well within it. Tap into your dreams and make them realities.

Find out more about Coleen’s work.  Ask for a free 15 minute consult.

#IPromiseMe – Can We Really Change Our Story?

Hi,

I recently did a presentation around the power of story and had it video taped. So today I offer a video.  Enjoy!

What stories of yours are wanting to transform? Need and intention are great facilitators. Go for it!

~ Coleen

Coleen Rhalena Renee is a storyteller, way shower and gifted spiritual healer. She helps clients find their true heart story and teaches them to live well within it. Tap into your dreams and make them realities.

Find out more about Coleen’s work.  Ask for a free 15 minute consult.

#IPromiseMe: Treasured Ancestral Gifts

Throughout my life I’ve known things that I shouldn’t know. It’s not that I’m nosey. In fact, often I’d rather not know. There’ve been times when I didn’t act on things, because I couldn’t identify how I knew, so I didn’t trust the knowing.

Weird things have happened. I knew we were getting hamsters for Christmas. At age 12, I knew when my mother felt threatened by a visitor and knew what to do to diffuse the situation. As a grad student in anthropology I heard and saw the ancient ones root digging when my class went on a archaeological field trip. When I started as a massage student, I got pictures of people’s lives when I was massaging them. I knew when friends were pregnant. I knew who was on the other end of the phone before answering (pre cell phone times).

My mother had gifts, so I just ignored the weird, until I was working with a massage client one day. She was having a really tough time in life. As I was massaging her I received several messages. As usual, I noticed but did nothing – until I felt this prodding. An insistent voice said, “Tell her,” while it literally felt like someone was poking me. This continued until I finally told the client what I was seeing. She immediately burst into tears and ask me how I knew. I continued massaging as she told her story. By the end of the session, she was feeling much better.

I decided that if this was going to happen, I wanted to know what it was all about, how to control it and how to trust it. 25 years later, I’m still discovering and developing new aspects to these inherited gifts. Turns out, I inherited from both sides of my family: healing and dousing gifts from my father; working with elementals from my mother; psychic and intuitive gifts from both sides.

As I look back on my life I notice even more of these emerging gifts than I noticed as I was living them. I know what to look for now.

I have five siblings. One takes medication so she doesn’t “see things”; the rest will claim a bit of intuition, but either have not inherited the same mix that I have, or they have just never been inclined to work with them. It’s not really a subject that we talk about. Both of my parents denied their gifts or consciously limited them. They did not encourage my tendencies at all.

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Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash

So why have these gifts been so important in my life? It doesn’t really matter why. What matters is that I listened to the strength of their call and tended to these ancestral gifts as treasures. I recognized them as a guidepost in my life. I never felt truly myself until I started the journey to discover and develop them.

It’s a challenge to carry such gifts in our world. I’ve tried to set them aside and get a “real” job with a regular paycheck. I literally got sick every time I tried. The truth is that my life is easier, fuller and more joyful when I’m in alignment with these gifts. That’s how I know they’re a guidepost. I cannot weave my life without them.

I invite you to claim your inheritances – the ones that truly speak to who you are, theHead shot (2) ones that make your life better no matter what challenges they bring. These guideposts often represent lost gifts from the past that are now emerging – just when we really need them.  Blessings on your journey, ~ Coleen

Coleen Rhalena Renee is a storyteller, way shower and gifted spiritual healer. She helps clients find their true heart story and teaches them to live well within it. Tap into your dreams and make them realities.

Find out more about Coleen’s work.  Ask for a free 15 minute consult.